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Article Archives Home For The Holidays Animals' Agenda Magazine, November/December 1997 Winter. I almost always experience this time of year with equal amounts of anticipation and dread. I grew up in the snow-ladden midwest and for me, winter has always evoked images of snow, ice and being stuck inside. Not much fun. In recent years, winter has also meant a full court press by the fur-industry in an attempt to recoup their sagging sales. I won't hold my breath. Since last year at this time I've migrated west to California. Snow and ice are no longer a problem and the fur industry will probably continue groping for sales. Winter also means the holiday season is near. Time for another family get-together. Did I already mention anticipation and dread? Not so long ago I would've thrown family gatherings in with ice storms and the fur season. Now that it is increasingly difficult for me to get back to see the "folks" I find myself remembering with fondness those once dreaded annual family gatherings which almost always involved eating. Eating with the family since "going veg'" was almost always an ordeal. Try as they might, my family just didn't seem to "get it." Slowly though, I have come to recognize the trials and tribulations that my family unwittingly put me through eventually served to make me a better advocate on behalf of animals. As one of my friends, who gained support from a 12-step program once noted, "you pick your friends, but are stuck with your family." True enough. Where else are we forced to put up with taunts, jokes and outright ridicule because of our lifestyles or beliefs? Most of us certainly wouldn't put up with such disrespect anywhere else. Nor should we. But families seem somehow different. Maybe because the ties are older and well established, however tenuous they may seem at times. Maybe because approval and support from our families somehow means more to us than it does from others. Maybe because odds are that our families will always be a part of our lives regardless or how we eat or what type of world we strive for. I recall how as a struggling vegetarian at age seventeen, I was faced with what seemed like a barrage of taunts and insults from my happily carnivorous father. In what now seems so simple but at the time was so difficult to do, much less conceive of - I stopped him at one point and blurted out in frustration, "You know, it really hurts me when you do that. Being a vegetarian is very important to me and it is hard enough to do as it is. If you can't support my decision - at the very least - can you PLEASE try to not get in my way and make it any harder?" His face softened and he looked a bit shocked for a second as the realization came over him. I truly think he hadn't realized how badly I felt about those seemingly relentless taunts. Fortunately, that's all it took. Sometimes if you are honest with people and ask them to help rather than hurt you they'll bend over backwards to do what they would never have done otherwise. When given a chance, sometimes people surprise you. Around that same time, my mothers side of the family (my parents are divorced) was having a grand old time laughing up the fact that I was feasting on a peanut butter sandwich at Thanksgiving dinner. "No Turkey?" they asked, "C'mon a little bit won't hurt you." "It's not my health I'm concerned about, " I'd murmur back. After a putting up with type of engaging conversation for what seemed like about 3 days, I had finally had enough. I slammed my fist onto the table, flashed them my most mischevous grin, looked at my watch and announced, "Alright, I'm gonna give you ten minutes. I want you all to get it out of your systems. Throw every smart aleck wisecrack you can come up with my way and then I NEVER want to hear this again. GO!" My challenge was met with dead silence and a little nervous shuffling. When I stopped acting like a victim it was no longer fun for them and they quickly got embarrassed and lost interest. It has gotten easier through time though and now that I've started hosting my own holiday gatherings with my extended "family" and vegan fare, I look back at those early days with a certain fondness Most people - this includes family members - aren't complete jerks (as I once believed), they clearly feel threatened and even guilty when someone close to them takes a moral stance by becoming a vegetarian or getting active in the pursuit of animal liberation. It weirds them out. On some level, those close to you are forced to review their own behavior which most people would rather not do, whatever the circumstances. It is uncomfortable. Most people hate being uncomfortable and so they lash out - often poorly masking the reality of what is going on as an attempt at humor. Remarks such as, "why are you being so touchy about this?" only serve to put the animal advocate on the defensive and let the uncomfortable meat-eater off the hook for examining what is really bothering them - which is usually their own conscience. I am proud that I, in some ways, served to facilitate this process in their lives. Today, years later, some miraculous things have happened as a result of my "stubborness" with my family on animal rights issues. My father is now one of the most ardent anti-vivisectionists I know and he loathes the fur trade. He and my stepmother even joined me at a fur free Friday demonstration in New York City a couple of years back. One of my sisters Laura, has steadfastly refused to take her children to an animal circus and has rescued animals doomed for death at the local shelter. As many of us return "home" for the holidays this season, perhaps the struggles we have yet to encounter - and the ways we handle them - will also have an impact in the future that only Dionne Warwick and her psychic friends can now forsee. 'Tis something to keep in mind as we reach for the peanut butter. Happy Holidays to all. |
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